This is so ME

Drowned.

It was in the rain
That I saw my eyes
Fall away from me
And I lost my sight.

It was in that downpour
That my words hollowed out
I was left silent, but aching
My lungs filled with a drought.

Under the barrage of bullets
Wet, but aching to the skin
All my thoughts left me
So rain took over within.

I cried out, “LET IT STOP”
As it weighed down my body
All hope washed away
Dreams swam far from me.

Vulnerable and bare
Under a street light I drowned
Till the rays of the dawn
Began to bring me around.

I stood shivering and cold
Before the glare of the sun.
All mistakes and all triumphs
Erased and undone.

Below me lay the wreckage
Of my life washed away
So I set off, bewildered
And I began to reclaim.

嘴在逞强·泪在投降

我们都在伪装，习惯一个人听着那忧伤的旋律，习惯一个人默默地看着那伤感的文字。夜那么静，静的让人有点想哭。生活那么苍白，苍白得让人有点无力。现实那么残酷，残酷得有点让人悲伤。感觉那么清晰，清晰得让人有点虚伪。

据说这是世界上最美的45件事

1，初吻。

2，看日出。

3，与很在乎的那个人牵手。

4，一次投机的谈话。

5，躺在床上听屋外的雨声。有人拨弄你的头发。

6，每次看到那个人心里七上八下的感觉。

7，收到喜欢的人送给自己的礼物。

8，深夜不眠与室友聊天。

9，荡秋千。

10，拥有推心置腹的朋友可以哭诉自己最隐秘的问题。

11，和恋人、家人或朋友结伴路上旅行。

12，一个信任的眼神。

13，睡觉的时候,太阳照在身上..

14，碰到一个老朋友然后发现有些东西无论好坏从来不会改变。

15，看到朋友脸上的笑容，听到朋友开怀的笑声。

16，每天早晨起床感谢老天又赐予你美好的一天。

17，第一次坠入情网。

18，发现爱是没有条件的，比时间更经久。

19，一个长途电话。

20，一觉醒来发现还可以睡上几小时。

21，冬天里暖和的被窝。

22，沙滩。

23，去看一场真正不赖的舞台剧。

24，毫无理由地笑。

25，得到邮件。

26，听到收音机播放最喜欢的歌。

27，与一个可爱的陌生人目光相遇。

28，陌生人接受自己的帮助。

29，有许多朋友。

30，与喜欢的人相拥在沙发上看一部精彩电影。

31，观察某个人充满期待地打开你的礼物时的表情。

32，有人告诉你你很漂亮。

33，纯属偶然听到别人夸自己。

34，赢得一场真正有竞争力的比赛。

35，和喜欢的人一起购物。

36，发现心仪的毛衣半价出售。

37，拥抱你所爱的人。

38，哈哈大笑。

39，释然地和旧情人谈论过去、现在和未来。

40，买到一个很喜欢的东西。

41，和家人在一起聊天，看电视。

42，甜美的好梦。

43，恋爱。

44，洗个奶浴。

45，在去年穿过的冬装外套里找到100元钞票。

by 愛、文章

What to do if people treat you like trash ?!!

One thing I learned during these past few weeks was that, it's too silly of me to always think that people would be nice to me if I was nice to them. Reality check - there are so many individuals out there that just don't work that way...

I've had enough of trying to de-code everyone's behaviour. For me, in order to find peace, I always wanted to really understand people's thoughts and actions. But now that I think about it, I never found any answers and even if I did, they were simply answers which I assumed and knew would make me feel better. I think it's now time for me to let go of 'understanding' others...

What else could I do, but to accept them for who they are. I'VE GOT TO TOUGHEN UP instead of wasting my time by questioning it and spending countless nights asking why when someone is bitchy...

Everyone is different, so why should I even bother trying to understand? Why not make life much more easier, and just let them be. Just think, well.. that's the way it is and so be it.

I should be grateful to people who have mistreated me as i learned to be stronger and to not take life for granted.. With my loved ones standing by my side, i shall lead a happy and carefree life and nobody can ever bring me down!

❤ Happy Belated Birthday! ❤

Sorry sis, for the late blog entry..

Still, i wanna say, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!
Love you and miss you ^.^

❤ Happy Mother's Day ❤

Mommy, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
We love you and miss you dearly..
Thank you for always being there for us no matter what and for all the love, support and guidance you give us.. You are an AWESOME mom and the BEST mom in the whole wide world!!! Wish i could be home to give you a big big hug and spend this special day with you..
While we are miles apart, you are always in my heart. I wish you all the best life has to offer. Hope you have a wonderful day. We love you to the moon and the stars!!! ❤

Jamie & Jackie


Hi Mommy! You're the best to snuggle with and the best owner for a dog! Love, Luckie the dog. ❤

Luckie

ready, set, go!

It's time to take a long deep breath.....


.....and plunge into the deep waters of assignments, exam preparations, case reports, presentation, finals, and a million other things on my to-do list! Four more weeks till the end of the semester and exams.. And then i'll be flying back to my home sweet home.. ❤
Now there's no time to slack and procrastinate already.. Probably won't be updating as much until my exams are over..
Pray that i don't drown in the process.. Gambatte all.. ^.^

a walk in the park..

Today, after coming back from lecture, zhi and i went to the park for a good walk.. It's really a nice place to take pictures as well as to walk around and enjoy the view and fresh air.. ^.^

snow falling in spring

Hi all, it's tuesday and i'm still on holiday! And know what? I woke up this morning to a sky full of snow! It's been snowing ever since.. Can you believe it? It's already the 21th of April and still snowing.. It feels like it's never going to stop..

The winters here are odd.. I'm not enjoying the world coming to a stand still and i can't wait for spring to come.. I must admit, HOWEVER, i love winter and i still do.. Winter is the time of year i make steamboat, hot soups and all the comfort foods that are too hot to mess with during the summer months. I love to have a good cup of hot chocolate and sit by my window watching the snowfall. The trees would be covered in snow and ice with white frosting that turns the entire neighbourhood into a fairyland.. The city dresses up in its winter finery and the view and atmosphere are wonderful! Besides, it's the season of 'white christmas' and new year.. I enjoy the festivities and warmth of the season.. ^.^

There are many ways to enjoy the winter even though one may not like the cold. This is the time to wear cosy warm sweaters and things that don't work in summer. I love my sweaters and warm socks and fuzzy slippers (i would love the warm fire in the fireplace but too bad we don't have it here).. I love the quietness and magic of snow falling at night.. Most importantly, my very favourite time - snuggling under a blanket with zhi watching a movie on friday night.. ❤

See, how can i not adore winter? ^.^

已逝的友情

我的朋友，你过得还好吗？好久好久没和你说话了，每一次看见你，都有一股冲动想走上前跟你打招呼，但我始终都没有勇气那么做。。往往都是装作不在乎而离你远远的，偶尔，碰上面时，会习惯性的向你微笑。。心里却是难过的。。不知你是否也和我一样呢？

对不起，我的朋友，因为我的任性，害你受委屈了。。我，不知该如何补偿你。。如今连跟你说话的勇气也没有。。这其实都是我的错。。

真的好希望时光可以重来，但我知道这是不可能的事。。

曾经，在你眼中，我像是完美无缺，独一无二。。你常说，我像是个天使。。而你知道吗？你也曾是我的天使，我的守护天使。。你可以整夜不睡，为的，就是要凌晨三点叫我起身复习功课。。也常会买我爱吃的食物和零食。。我们也曾经无所不谈，褒电话粥可以褒上几个小时。。我病了，你会细心的照顾我。。我伤心难过时，你总会在我身边安慰我，逗我开心。。你总是迁就我，维护我。。我遇到困难时，你会尽你所能的帮助我，而却从来不跟我计较。。现在回想，我似乎什么也没为你付出过。。常常觉得惋惜，好不容易建立起的友情就这样，被我亲手给毁了。。

但我想告诉你，我亲爱的朋友，我真的真的很珍惜我们之间的友谊。。不管将来会如何，你永远都会在我的心中，占据很重要的位置。。在这，我向你献上我最真诚的祝福，希望你会丰富的过每一天，快乐的看每一天。。

spring is here...

I haven't been blogging in ages!!! Been having blogstipation.. Had the first two exam rotations in a row, dermatology and surgery, everyday had been so hectic for me plus the extra practical classes. The two exams went well and now i can finally breathe a sigh of relief.. ^.^

It's now March, spring, snow and ice are supposed to be melting but it was still snowing few days ago.. It's not usual though.. But anyway, my group is throwing a "surprise party" for our "beloved" russian language teacher tomorrow, to celebrate the Russian Spring Festival. This festival is known as масленица or Shrovetide, which signals the end of long russian winter. We'll be making bliny, russian pancakes, which serve as symbols for the arrival of warming sun! I'm really looking forward to having some fun with this.. Wonder how our teacher's gonna react when she sees us bringing all the pancakes, plates and spoons, etc? We haven't done something like this in a long long time.. It's gonna be fun! i hope.. ^.^

exam mood...

clock is ticking...

time is running out...

exam is coming...

but my mood is still swinging...

the day has FINALLY arrived !!!

Finally tomorrow zhi and i will be leaving for Italy!!!

Just can’t wait.. ^.^
Italy here we come!!!

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

祝大家农历新年快乐!!! 牛年大吉!!! ^.^

Here’s wishing everyone a Happy Moo Chinese New Year!!!
May the year of the ox bring you abundance of good health, good fortune and loving peace..

I haven’t been celebrating Chinese New Year for a couple of years ever since I came to Russia.. Wish I’m home now with my family..
Dad, Mom, Jackie, Luckie, Happy New Year! I love you and miss you all at home so much!!! ♥

counting down the days…

3 days.. Just 3 more days and I’ll be off to my dreamland, Italy.. It’s indeed a dream comes true.. Despite the fact that today is CHINESE NEW YEAR EVE, my mind seems to be preoccupied with my forthcoming trip to Italy.. I took my hygiene exam on the 15th. Since then, I’ve been rightfully enjoying my winter break with total abstinence from exam stress.. Cleaning up and working out.. Sorting through and running around..

Having the presumption that my long-awaited trip’s weeks away, I kind of lost track of time.. Took a glance at my calendar this morning, it was only then I realized that I’ll be heading to Italy this coming Thursday!!! I’m absolutely longing for Italy..

For the past ten days I’ve been doing my homework, planning my dream trip.. I did some reading and was looking for every possible information I could get so as to plan a perfect trip for both zhi and i..

With a map of the destination spread out before me, flanked by travel guide, checklists, and flight itinerary, it is impossible to not feel the thrill.. ^.^

confessions of a neat freak!

Some say, people who are neat are helpless to be otherwise, they’re prisoners of it. I couldn’t agree more with this statement as I myself is a neatness lover, or more precisely, a neat freak. I’m not just particular about immaculate neatness, exactness, perfect order and faultless arrangement of things but I’m actually obsessed with it..

As well as liking my room to be permanently clean, as a neat freak, i like to have every element of my life tidy and in order. For instance, all my clothes, scarves, gloves, socks etc will have to be neatly folded and stacked up and organized by categories. And from time to time, I do classify and sub-classify things, in complex ways. I just can’t help it!

Of course, unlike people with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), which is a true disease, i don’t repetitively and obsessively clean things but I can also get upset when something is out of order because for me, order equals control, and hence security.

To be honest, I do drive myself crazy because of my perfectionism and fastidiousness. Sometimes I just want to take a break from the constant pressure of cleanliness and sit down to relax.. It’s not easy though..

John Ratey, professor of psychiatry at Harvard University, says that hyper-concern about order could be a "shadow syndrome" of OCD, a mild and indistinct, perhaps even undetectable expression of the more severe disorder. OCD has to be at a level where it interferes with a person's functioning, while neat freaks can often function well.

Perhaps, you know people who develop over-the-top anxiety to things that don’t deserve it, like knickknacks on a shelf, and even when sick or exhausted with fatigue would get out of bed if they see a speck of dirt on their television. I admit, unclean, dusty or out-of-place objects do cause disquietude for me, but I haven’t gone that far into the pathological side. In fact I’m learning to tolerate the anxiety that arises from the obsession of cleanliness and the result is the obsession has gradually loosened its grip, which is a relief for me.. ^.^


By the way, I was quite surprised to find out that there’s such an article about how to be a neat freak on wikiHow. Check this out if you’re interested.. ^.^

假期..心情

今天醒来, 睁开眼时, 时间已是中午12点38分.. 其实自从15号考完hygiene后, 几乎每一天都是这个时候睡醒.. 这已持续一个星期多了吧.. 因每晚都很迟睡.. 心想现在既然是假期, 就好好让自己放肆, 用轻松愉快的心情去享受这美好的冬假, 纵容自己暂时过着没有规律的生活.. 但终觉担心, 自己好不容易养成早睡早起的生活作息, 一直保持着10点睡5点醒的生态时钟, 会不会因此而乱了呢? 看来, 今天开始要让自己适应回正常的睡眠时间了, 不然开学后, 后果将会很严重..

还有不到一个星期的时间, 我和志就要飞往意大利去了.. 1月29号, 那天也是志的生日, 呵呵.. 他将会跨国度过他25岁的生日.. 这个假期, 我也没虚度过, 每天都很努力的去寻找有关意大利的一切一切资料.. 势必要好好的筹备这一次甜蜜的旅行.. 这也是我每晚都难以入眠的原因, 因为太兴奋了.. 意大利, 是我憧憬的浪漫国度, 真的真的好期待..

难得的假期.. 难得的心情.. ^.^

你只有一个

这是想献给菱的一首歌..

歌手：范玮琪

你看你　眉头都打结了
你熟悉的坚韧　到哪儿去了
别因时光而磨损

快找回那自信的眼神
不要因为爱错了一个人
就否决爱美好的可能

不管如何都不要忘记　你是最好的
要相信你绝对有幸福的资格

你只有一个　独一无二
他不懂珍惜是他太笨
有多少人都等著
要做你最最在乎的人

你只有一个　那么独特
你值得你期盼的快乐
当你不再非他不可
他会知道　失去的多难得

一定会找到珍惜你的人
全世界就非要你不可
^.^

soullessfire.com???

"omg!!!" this is the first word that comes to my mind as i'm writing.. as for the past 23 years, i never thought of writing a BLOG.. i always thought that i can never write.. i was a copycat, an editor, but never a writer..

but here i am now, writing my very first blog..
why now? cause i was inspired by bloggers around me, esp my sis and zhi.. i always admire bloggers, and i just hope i can be like them, writing down things that are worth remembering, things that make me laugh and cry, and sharing my thoughts with people who'll read my blog..

so let me introduce myself..
i'm a medical student studying in NNSMA (kinda old-fashioned huh?)
i'm a perfectionist.. (shh.. most people actually think that perfectionists are losers..)
i'm a dog-person..
i'm a neat freak..
erm, what else? nvm.. i think these are enough to describe myself..

oh yeah, i'm now a BLOGGER too! yay.. i'm so excited ^.^



so i think that's all for today.. tata! ^.^